September 23

 

This is a portrait of me as a youngster
painted by a favourite “uncle”
who enjoyed pain
t.

September 22

 

from THE POET RECLINING

More
A little more
Just a little bit more
Just a teensy-weensy bit more
Oh –
Too far . . .
Are you OK?
Did you hurt your back?
Oh . . .

September 21

 

from I’M GETTING A GOOD VIEW FROM WHERE I’M SITTING
         (BUT YOU MAY WANT TO CROSS YOUR LEGS)

As usual, there had been a universal lapse of taste:
approaching from the South-West,
Melody had slapped on several millimetres too much pancake
and no way would she pass for a nun. But
you had to admit, she’s a cracker in the sense
that you would only pull her once. And she might not go BANG!

September 20

 

from OLD-FASHIONED FAMILY

Scattering breadcrumbs on the rug for her daughter to fight over with Fido Dog as she spoke, Lady Drumbeat looked the reporter from “Female Society” dead in the nose. “Of course I am still a virgin,” she said.

September 19

 

from CHIPS WITH ALMOST EVERYTHING

Sometimes you’ve had enough of chips
and yearn for something more working class
e.g. pommes frites.

September 18

 

from THE LAST FEW MONTHS

Bingo Little won the Lottery, twice
Jasper McKenzie married his childhood sweetheart, Lee Twigg
Constance Small was inducted into “The Romance Hall of Fame”
Armitage Shanks continued to manufacture bathroom fixtures and supplies
Corona Chipmunk released their concept album “Tease, Caress, Overflow”

September 17

 

from ONE MILLION ELEPHANTS IS A LOT OF ELEPHANTS

As they stampeded towards him, he could not be sure quite how many there were, but it was certainly loads.

September 16

 

from THE TALISMAN OF DARKNESS COVE

“Look what I’ve found!” said Bunty excitedly.
“It looks like a talisman,” said Arthur, peering over her shoulder while resisting the temptation to caress her moony bottom area.
“Oh, yippee!” cried Bunty. “It’s my lucky day!”
“Perhaps,” sighed Arthur, as he enjoyed her perfumery. Vanilla? Yes.

September 15

 

from A WORK IN PROGRESS

Ungodly. Immense but small. Pun-
ishing our misdemeanours, the “beak”
to be afraid of. Moment of truth.

September 14

 

from WHAT ARE WE WORRIED ABOUT?

It was a great bash. Popsy danced on the ceiling, Buck drove the motor mower through the conservatory, Lord Bunce
lost his pantaloons, and Brock the Badger finished reading “Heart of Darkness” because he was far, far away from the action.