Dear [Insert Name of Applicant],

Thank you for talking with me today. I think we will be re-wording any future advertisements for vacancies here to include the phrase “must possess some degree of apparent humanity.” This will, one hopes, prevent my finding myself talking to people who, to all intents and purposes, may as well hail from another planet.

Yours in the shape of stunned bewilderment,

“The Giver of Livings”

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