from THE DIARY OF SAMUEL PEEPS

Monday 12th, 7.30 a.m.
I do not think I can stand much more of this. Why does the damsel not return my belongings as she promised? At this rate I shall be forced to write a letter to her handler and threaten legal action. That will mean a trip to the Post Office to purchase a stamp, which in turn will mean I shall have to pass the very place I wish most in the world to avoid. Oh! my troubled heart! Why did I allow my animal instincts such free rein? Why could not I have just had the “Saturday Special” as Tomkins suggested?

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